I know that one day soon, sooner than I want, I will no longer be your “mommy”. When this dreaded day comes, I will at that point simply be known as the female parental unit you must reside with until you’re eighteen. You will think that your father and I are nothing more than stifling oppressors. We’ll be the ones who don’t remember or know what it’s like to be a teenager. When that day comes, you will possess all the knowledge the world has to offer and I will be so ignorant, you’ll wonder how I manage to not drown in my cereal every morning.
So, I decided that before this day comes and I lose all functionality to be able to parent you correctly without trying to ruin your life, I should write you this little helpful guide of what to expect, you know…to make your lives easier when that day comes. If you value your social lives, electronics, sports, or whatever you may be into when this time comes, you will take heed to what I have to say. If you don’t, you will lose everything you hold dear until the day comes when you finally grow up and realize that you knew nothing and everything I did, I did out of love.
Dear future teenagers of mine…
- Been there, done that: I was an awful teenager. Your father was an awful teenager. Between the two of us, there’s nothing that we haven’t done. We’ve pulled every trick in the book on our parents and said whatever we needed to say to get what we wanted. We did every bad thing we were told not to. If for one second you think that we are going to believe every word that comes out of your mouth, you’re wrong. We are going to assume you are lying and hope that we are wrong. I hope that we are raising you to be better than we were at that horrendous stage, but because of our pasts, we’re not naïve; we know kids will be kids and you guys are going to make mistakes. Which brings me to my next point.
- If you make a mistake, own it: DO NOT LIE. There is not one thing on this earth that you could do that would make us love you any less. NOTHING. We may be pissed, we may be disappointed, you may be grounded for the rest of your life, but at least you were honest. At least you have your integrity. Trust me, whatever punishment we dole out, it’s not gonna be half as bad as what you will get if we find out you lied to us. Once trust goes in a relationship, the whole thing falls apart. I don’t want to have to look through your drawers, read your diaries, or snoop through your computers and phones because I’ve caught you lying to me. **And don’t think I won’t do that. I will be like James Bond, Inspector Gadget, every C.S.I detective you’ve ever watched, and a bloodhound if I feel like you’re lying to me or hiding something from me. I will find out too!!!** That being said–
- Privacy is earned, not a requirement: Simple as that. We will give you your space to do your own thing, to make your own decisions and your own mistakes. We won’t smother you and bombard you with a magnitude of rules that you can’t keep up with. We will trust you and give you your privacy and personal space. Don’t give me a reason to violate that space and I won’t. Lie to me or let me find out you’re doing things behind my back and everything you own will become plastic and see through…everything. I say that I most likely won’t believe what you say anyway, but the truth is, I probably will. I will more than likely believe what you have to say because I would hope that you would have more respect for me and my intelligence than to offer me anything else. I will probably believe you…until you give me a reason not to. Once that occurs, you may want to burn anything you don’t want me to find, because I will find it otherwise. I will even go so far as to take the door to your bedroom if you’re trying to hide something. **Yeah, you parents can say I’m crazy all you want; I don’t care. They’re not your kids. Feel sorry for them and move on if you’re that disturbed by it.**
- I am your mother before I am your friend: Don’t get me wrong, I want you to be able to talk to me and tell me your secrets. I want you to feel comfortable enough with me to share anything and always be yourself. I want to have a friendship with you. But, my duty as your mother will always come first. I’m not going to buy you and your underage friends booze so you will like me or think I’m cool. I’m not going to condone you doing drugs—especially under my roof just so your friends think I’m cool and to make you like me. Your safety, wellbeing, happiness, and health are my number one priority. You’re not always going to like me, and that’s okay. If you hate me from time to time, that means I’m doing my job. Just know that even when you feel like you couldn’t hate me any more than you do, I still love you more than you will ever know.
- You will never stay at a friend’s house unless I know their parents well enough to call them for bail money and I talk to them face to face and am assured that they will indeed be home the entire time: Like I said before—I played every trick in the book to do what I wanted and get away with crap. If you want to be able to stay with friends and get away from the house from time to time, you either accept this rule or get used to only having friends stay at our house.
- I don’t give a s**t what so and so’s parents are letting them do—you’re not doing it: We are your parents. You are our children. You will realize one day that every parent has a different way to raise their children. Not all are going to meet eye to eye. We are raising you how we think is best. You may not agree with it, and it’s okay if you don’t. You can raise your kids different if you want. But, just know that essentially what you are doing is comparing us to your friend’s parents…and we don’t like that. If you want to do something that your friends are doing, ask. Make a convincing case as to why we should let you and we may just consider it. Don’t ever throw a fit about not being able to do something everyone else is doing though—because that sure as hell isn’t going to get you what you want.
- You will know the value of a dollar and work for/earn what you want: We are not your ATM. We are not your sugar momma and daddy. You will know what it means to and know what it feels like to earn whatever it is you want. As long as you are putting forth the honest effort, we will help; but don’t think for one second that you are going to something for nothing. Your father and I want you guys to be appreciative young adults who don’t take things, especially money, for granted.
Your teenage years are going to be hard, confusing, fun, and will fly by quicker than you know. I know it will seem like the years will drag on, but trust me, you’ll blink and one day you will be writing to your children. I love you guys with all my heart and no matter how difficult your teenage years get, I will never stop loving you.
I hope that you were able to take something from this article; it could make it easier for all parties involved.
Only my kids 